Often when bands are experiencing conflict, they perpetuate the conflict much longer than necessary. This is because it’s difficult to step out of the ways we usually communicate under stress.
One of those ways is sarcasm. The good thing about sarcasm is that there is sometimes a lot of truthful sentiment wrapped up in it. The bad thing is it is in a form of attack meant to express thoughts while hiding vulnerability. The effect is to put the other on the defensive and often the response is sarcasm. This kind of exchange easily escalates to a level of cruelty that neither party really wants to be a part of, and what really needs to be said is lost. It frequently leads to strained relationships between musicians and sometimes to the dissolution of the band.
Your band is made up of musicians from different backgrounds and patterns of relating and it is inevitable that there will be differences of view. That’s part of what is so cool about doing what you do. The art you collaboratively create and the connection you feel when you’re creating and playing could not happen without each unique person present. It is important to be intentional about learning how to manage conflict and communicate clearly. Gaining these skills will serve you well now and for the duration.
Deb Mashock, M.A. 